Dear Most Companies,

I am writing you this open letter to express my disgust at most of your hiring practices. It has come to my attention through past experience, and scouring multiple job boards that your concerns are only rooted in your organization. You have perfected this art through capitalizing on the hard labor of your unpaid interns, in essence maximizing your bottom line without spending zilch.

When you take me on as an intern, my duties should only be relegated within the confines of your business unit. Expecting me to get you coffee,  running around the office from one department to the next like a mad one woman in the name of fulfilling my roles as new blood in the company is completely bullocks. Your personal assistant always has a plasterd smile because they get PAID. I am telling you money goes a long way.

Going above and beyond my expectations for you to tell me: Thanks but we do not have any permanent position for you but will keep your resume on file on top of not paying me is the same as a b*^&% slap in my face.  This form of slap differs from a regular one in that it cuts deep.

You Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs. C.E.O. continue to justify this annoying practice by telling graduates that the most important thing is the “experience” gained and “skills” earned. The skills are great, but guess what they do not pay the bills. That compensation package you refuse to doll out, does! During this gruesome process of skill earning without any form of compensation, we are forced to acquire multiple side hustles that range from the sane( bartending) to insane (ever see a mascot dancing in the middle of the road during the tax filing season (Feb-April)  advertising their services?).  That right there is madness to me, it’s a job but dammit! Who in their right mind dances in zero degree weather?! I digress, but you get the point I am stressing.

In continuing this important letter, whose urgency reads like the State of the Union Adress that President Obama should consider intergrating in his SOTU speeches, I want to urge you to consider offering reasonable compensation packages to interns. Offering $50 stipend, at the end of a three month intern stint in the summer is RIDICULOUS.  This is NOT an exaggeration, I have seen MANY companies whose financial statements should be that they offer a more alluring stipend.

I am not asking for a million dollar stipend, I am asking on behalf of countless other interns to offer compensations that would act as an incentive to kiss your asses more. 

Sincerely,

Happy Hirings!