Broke and In A Relationship

Birthdays and anniversaries usually signify growth and joy, but woe unto you if you are broke and in a relationship. Shit gets realer than real.

Those hibiscus flowers that you plucked from your kitchen garden last year for her birthday will not do it this year. She hints at a romantic dinner at the newly opened restaurant in town. A bouquet of red roses to accompany the dinner will be highly appreciated too. All this has been laid out to you since the beginning of the year, her birthday is in December. She has given you enough time to deliver.

Talk about pressure.

According to business analysts, the recession is over. Your attempts of coming up with a credible excuse to cook dinner for her fall to deaf ears. She does not get the fact that the analysts assertions are not generalizable to everybody.

Woi! Thin sweat from what to do starts slowly dripping and collect in anticipation of December

Relationships are mainly about caring, sharing and understanding. However the understanding part has an expiration date, especially when funds are low. There’s an insurmountable pressure from the broke party to make up for the low funds. That’s where a ring becomes important. When you are married, your partner has absolutely no other option but to ride out the broke wave with you. It’s not like they are going to file divorce on the basis of your brokeassness, now will they? Correct me if I am wrong, but divorce grounds have to be especially logical in reasoning.

So in the eventuality you end up broke and in a relationship, here are some tips. Matter of fact, email me if they helped you turn around your relationship from worse to great.

  1. Open a new account and deposit only a dollar and a quarter. Make sure to leave the end of the month statement carelessly on your coffee table. She is bound to exercise the power of feeling sorry and might end up helping you pay the bills.
  2. File for bankruptcy.
  3. Call her crying. If you can’t pull this of, buy a red onion and hold it very close to your eyes. Your tear duct should react IMMEDIATELY. A show of emotions, will shift the attention from $$$ to something else, for a limited period of time though.
  4. Engage her in conversation talking about how broke you are, day in and day out. At the end of day 1, she will be so furious with you for your lack of substantive conversation,  the conversation might shift to other areas. e.g. marriage.
  5. If all else fails, ask her to get a sugar daddy and remit the money to you. This suggestion might land you in the ER. Be careful with it.

Happy Brokeassessness!

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