Bus Chronicles: Stink bombs,bored and horny, four honies

The overcast clouds deceived me.  I predicted it was going to be a long, dragging and gloomy day. Turned out to be the complete opposite.

After waiting for the bus for what seemed like years, it finally came bringing with it a lot of stank goodies. Let’s retract a little bit, shall we. Initially while waiting for the bus, my intake of fresh air was nasal, but when the bus pulled up, all hell, erm…air broke loose. A strong stench of a possible bust sewer emanated suddenly from nowhere. I did not expend too much energy on educating myself on the whereabouts of the stench.

They say, knowledge is power and if I had taken a minute or two to educate myself on the stench situation I would have avoided a very ‘interesting’ ride.  The bus driver had a bottle of Fabuloso, which I found to be rather odd, again did not give much thought to it. Lawwwwd have mercy, when I sat down the smell, yes that smell hit me like a thunderbolt, actually like  a ton of bricks. It was heavy, musky and oh so dangerous. Looking around, people had their hands over their noses. Some were smelling themselves making sure that the dead rat smell hadn’t perfumed their bodies.

Whatever that shit is, it’s messin up my high, men. I can’t take dis no more….imma have to get off the bus

Those were the words of a lady who was flying high-literally-like a kite. She was caput, completely gone and was making such a ruckus, you know doing the whole nine: talking loud and cursing like a sailor. Apparently, the smell was so repungent it was making the buzz from smoking the green green wear off.  She made sure to inform us, as she alighted of her intentions to light another, as her high was jacked up. 

Conspiracy theories were being cooked up as to how the bus ended up stank. My favorite one came from the mouths of two cute babes, who reckoned that the bus driver had farted after having a rotten egg sandwich. Classic.

At around 5:30 p.m. it was dusk, the lights were low and the crazies were in full effect, at the bus stop.

When it was time to go home, around 5:30p.m, it was dusk, the lights were low and the crazies were in full effect: at the bus stop. I took my seat next to a lady who was smoking the hell out of a cigarette. The way she puffed on it, I thought she was going to pop a nerve or worse yet bust it in the process. Without knowing what he was getting himself into, a guy who was also waiting for the bus asked her for a cigarette.

The request was granted, and boy did it get hot  or what!

The two talked much about nothing, when suddenly out of nowhere she asked him if he was seeing anyone, to which he answered in the negative. Woe unto him, because somebody was on the freak prowl, and they had no shame to their game. Candid and a straight shooter was her first and last name. Ooops forgot, to add crazygrandma as her middle name.

Well let me tell you honey, I’m bored and horny. You wanna go to 7/11  and get a pack of condoms?

His jaw dropped, and so did mine. Dang! Did she just say that, or was I imagining my own things. Where they do that at?!  The statement was so random, unusual actually bewildering that he had to step aside. My guess was he was embarrassed, probably a shock attack of some kind. Oh hell, who knows what emotions were going through him at that moment. You would think that she stop embarrassing him, but his actions only but prompted her to solicit  for sex more. 

C’mon, just walk me to the 7/11 store. I can’t see too good. I’m old.

“Ma’m, I’m waiting for somebody, I’ll have to decline your offer.” Oh shucks! She was old, ya’ll, probably in her early 60s. Guess, sex is not just for the menstruating folks alone, huh?!

Just as this beautiful drama was about to climax, the bus pulled up. Didn’t want to leave, but I had to. Now, the bus was a different story altogether. There was a guy who was sleeping on the bus and woke up with loose wires. To begin with, I don’t think they were ever connected. They probably shorted at some point in his colorful life of four honies. He said hi to me to which I pretended to not hear. Lawwwd have mercy! He got loud, you know the drill by now

Mad Loud!

Girl, I’m talking to you. To restore peace, I inclined and said hi. I thought he would fall back, but no. He narrated his life story for all and sundry that were interested to hear. According to his narration, he had been involved in a road accident that led to a one month coma. He had 2 kids, a son and daughter and was also a grandfather. But the kids and grand children part of the story could not be verified for reasons you will soon come to see.  

A lady who got on the bus and was not amused by his storytelling , shut him down by telling him she was tired and wanted a peaceful ride home. They got into it, and after a while she started questioning him about his life. Not out of interest, more out of spite. Questions ranging from his working status, to baby mommas were thrown about.

Come to find out, he had a couple of kids, with four different hunnies. His pimp game was on point, as he related to the lady. 

The lady, was not buying his pimp game and asked him why he was having kids left, right, and center when he was on disability. To which he felt belittled and told her so. “Why you talking to me like I’m some kind of dummy?”. The look on her face said it all, words were not necessary for him to find an answer.

Before you know it, I had to get off the bus and leave the crazies and intellects going at it!

Happy bussings ya’ll!

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