He puts his mom first, his woman last.

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They say that a man who loves and respects his mother and family, in general, is a good man, but should he always put them first over the woman he’s dating or even married to? I think not. And to be honest, I’ve never been flattered by that fact. If his life revolves around his mother then what part does his woman play? How will she fair when having a disagreement with his mom? This issue is definitely post worthy; so guys, if you’re like that then prepare yourself to be scrutinized.

I don’t know about some of you ladies but I certainly would be uncomfortable with a man who makes sure his entire family (mom, dad, sisters & brothers, cousins, uncles…okay now I’m exaggerating) is taken cared of before he gets down to you. It’s like you’re his what-left. The back-burner. Decisions that should be made between the two of you are made by his mother. He disregards what you have to say in favor of her opinion. She has complete authority over your relationship and that isn’t right. He’ll say you’re wrong and side with his family should there be any conflict, and may never come to your aid. Now tell me, is that the kind of relationship you want for the rest of your life? Hell no!

In my opinion, there’s a limit. He loves his mother, great, then he’ll treat women wonderfully. However, I will not tolerate a man who runs to his mom’s every call or jump when she says so. And I certainly will not accept her just dropping by and laying down her laws whenever she feels like it. I’m not saying I won’t have any respect or try to establish a healthy, stable relationship with his mother, but I won’t just lie down like a dog and let her walk all over me. Oh no, I’d have to stand up for myself and if my man doesn’t value my opinion or consider my feelings where his mom is concerned, then maybe that’s not a relationship I should be in. She can’t be right all the time. I mean, is she God? Of course not. She has to accept the fact that her son is a grown man and should live his life without her intervening all the time. He’s not a baby so she MUST learn to let go. And it’s not just the mothers either, for they’ll only continue to try and control things if the man continues to allow it. He has to put his foot down and set boundaries. “This is my woman and I love her. You’re my mother and I need you to respect my relationship and let us live our lives.” I know it’s easier said than done but it’s definitely worth a try.

This is just my opinion. What do you think? Should a man put his family first over his woman? 

22 thoughts on “He puts his mom first, his woman last.

  1. Hi all!

    I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 yrs. Long distance… we live 1.5 hours away from eachother and see eachother every two weeks for 5 days. He lives with his mom and Dad and 2 youngest kids, 19 & 17 yrs old.So they’re always doing their own thing. His mom is beyond controlling. She tells me to leave him, behind his back. Says that I’m a beautiful woman that “can do better”. What on earth you know?! Then goes to him, behind my back and tells him that I’m this and that… that I am “thin skinned”. Which i have been told by many many ithers that i am by far one of the strongest woman they’ve known. She’s convinced him in 2016 to leave me. So, out of the blue he dumped me. We were broken up for almost 2 months. Broke my heart because i live him deeply… soo much.
    So, we got into a huge fight and it got physical for the first time… 😥 he shoved me down and i was pretty scratched up. She wasn’t home yet. I had left… i called her and told her what her son had done. She was totally taking his side… he was grandstanding and knew they all were excusing it. She had a meltdown and grabbed her bags and left.. he called me and started guilting me for upsetting his mother… not one word, concern or nothing for me after he hurt me. I know i need to walk away but i just bought a home with him… i am crushed. He puts his mom, sisters before me and i get called every name in the book if i try to address it. I’m exhausted … he’s got me thinking i could be wrong because i lived in a broken home with abuse and such so i don’t know anything about relationships between a mom and son. Well, i know that a man is to put his woman first before her. Comfort her and have ger back. Not this. 😦

  2. My boyfriend of 4 years just informed me that when he is the the army and gets to make a call home that he’s calling his mom. He chooses her over me in every occasion where it’s possible and if I say anything about it at all I’m crazy. His mom raised him and his sister alone and worked hard. I think that during this time she invested her whole life on him and now he spends all his time with her. We would make plans to do something like going to the movies and she would offer to take him somewhere and buy him things instead. I was never invited even though we already had plans and I would spend hours getting ready. He talks all the time about how he wants to marry me and have kids. Point blank he chooses his chooses her over me and I want to k ow if this is normal. Who should he want to speak to more than anyone when he is away for months?

  3. Well been in my relationship for 7 years his mom wants to control everything I can’t do that I told him always put me second and I would tell him this well he left me for his mom it’s been hard for me to cope but I’m going to get over it and I have two boys of my own I would never ever try to stop their happiness I’m not raising no mommas boys their gone to be men it’s in the bible you have to cleft from your mother and father once your married he knows this cause we went to marriage counseling cause we were supposed to get married 12/2/17 but instead I got my wedding band I been praying to GOD if he’s for me let it be if not so be it still hurting but I can’t be with someone who’s going to be like that I don’t trust him nomore cause it can happen again

  4. We were engaged to be married this month. But, his mother came to town and now he is living in a hotel with her instead of me. Since she has been here, he has totally ignored me and excluded me. He has our car and will not even let me drive to the grocery store to buy food – yet his mother and him go out to dinner every night. I am stranded. He will not leave her side – they spend 24/7 together. He even took a bunch of days off work to be with her, yet he would not take one day off work to hear my sermon. He missed church today and would not take me to church because his mother is an atheist and does not want him to go to church (I am a pastor in the church). He would rather spend the night with her in the one room hotel room than with me. I feel so betrayed and abandoned.

  5. We were engaged to be married this month. But, his mother came to town and now he is living in a hotel with her instead of me. Since she has been here, he has totally ignored me and excluded me. He has our way and will not even let me drive to the grocery store to buy food – yet his mother and him go out to dinner every night. He will not leave her side – they spend 24/7 together. He even took a bunch of days off work to be with her, yet he would not take one day off work to hear my sermon. He missed church today and would not take me to church because his mother is an atheist and does not want him to go to church (I am a pastor in the church). He would rather spend the night with her in the one room hotel room than with me. I feel so betrayed and abandoned.

  6. I have dated men like this. Ladies walk away when you see the signs after 3 months if he doesn’t include you with the family and he is constantly hanging out at families house, then there are some mommy daddy issues going on. He is still a boy not a man. I am currently finding myself in a situation again where he spends so much time with his family that a little bit of time is left for me. Pretty sure I’m at the end. My time is valuable and I know a little boy when I see one in a grown ass mans body . Effff that!

  7. 11 long painful years I have been the fiance’ of my one of my supposed best friends of 30 yrs ( now total)…He was even , n still close friends and went to school with my brothers …..His mother was/is a ‘Career wife’…..married to a very controlling person,who is a Junkie ( so is she u name it ,they do at ( at 69yr. s old) , and he is extremely wealthy,,,,,,as in like celebrity rich..in any case, they hated me from the start . They think everyone is after their filthy money…the fact is , until he and I were a couple , I thought he was full of shit that they were so loaded…..and I NEVER cared n still don’t. Here is the problem,,,,they support him, and I will not.., u will soon know why..( I did the first 4 years n wound up in the hospital for exhaustion),,,,,…He has a degenerative bone thing..fake hips, shoulders , n knee from an arthritic condition,,,,in any case he is not crippled , but he has a lot of bad days and is also a drug addict. 4-10 pain killers and 2-4 Xanax or Valium per day,,,,n, he does a lot of coke with his parents , and is there half the nights of the week…..N come home at 1-3 am and of course wants sex….I feel like that is all I am..he old realible sex doll……N I found out the other day he even watches porn in the fkn bathroom before we have sex!!!!! I caught him….it makes me feel like I am nothing ,,,,,just a stupid old slut ,in love with a piece of shit……nice one second…and irritated the next,,,depending on the drug…ugh!!!!
    Wow, this just sounds worse and worse as I write,,,,,so, yes, he puts his mommy first , his drugs and porn second , then me……..I guess I know the answer….he is a real narssiccist and a spoiled brat…I grew up in the real world…had jobs, both of my parents have been deceased many years,,,,,So, here I am at 54 years old with a 49 year old mam’a boy ,who for some sick reason ( he is handsome, charming ,intelligent..great lover,,can be so sweet)……I know it is crazy , but I love him so much ….it was not this bad until the past 2 yrs …I just know I have to leave somehow …..he even started to lie to me about small things,,,,he never( I thought ) did before……I feel ‘Old, delusional n feel like a total loser for believeing him all these years that we would have a house and be married ,etc,…when all it has been is drama , being broke ( they hate me , n barely give him enough to live on…..well…actually if he did not spend 2ooo a month on drugs and videos and candy …….you get the picture…whew…..I need a therapist,,,,and to get the fk out of this before I die of a heart attack from stress…or find him dead in the bed or bathroom…..btw,,,he doesn’t use needles….everything is up his noes…..I smoke pot, take a few Xanax so I don’t go nuts….but that is all….so there is my horror show….. signed , I know I am crazy if I don’t run away…….Life is too short…

  8. I was engaged to a man for a few years! who put his entire family before me, especially his mother. After finally confronting him about how he made me feel insignificant over the years, he told me that he would always put his mother and family before me and I would have to get use to it. Thats when I finally woke up and decided I deserved better and walked away. The best thing I ever did!

    1. Hi there!

      Would love your thoughts on my situation…

      I dated a guy for about three and a half years. Seven months ago, we moved in together. Went through some apartment drama (gas turned off, had to break the lease and find a new apartment) and then broke up at the end of January.

      Rewind back to March 2016 – his youngest nephew was born three days before my birthday the year before. His older sister and her husband (who I have also known and been considerably close with since summer of 2013 when we first starting dating) decides to throw his birthday party on the day of my actual birthday, which for the first time in years happened to be on the weekend. For the first time, I stood my ground in deciding that no, I was not going to spend my day with his family, I was going to spend it doing what I wanted, but if he wanted to go and spend it with them, he could. Instead of understanding my POV, he told me that “he didn’t need my permission” to go to his nephew’s party, and ended up going. Because it was my birthday, he only went for part of the party and then came back to the city for me. When he got back, he made me feel like complete shi*t for “making him choose,” and it didn’t even seem like he wanted to celebrate my birthday with me, but instead was just doing so because he felt like he had to. He also then tried to make me feel awful for not inviting his older sister and her husband to my 25th birthday party on Facebook last year (which was not done intentionally). Instead of just inviting them himself, he just kept bothering me to do it. But honestly, after how he made me feel about the birthday party, the last thought in my mind was inviting them to come drink with 25 years old, especially given they had two kids under the age of three.

      For three and a half years, I went to every family holiday, gathering, bbq, party, you name it, that his family hosted. I was present at EVERY single one. He was raised Jewish (with a catholic father) and I was raised catholic. I spent every Jewish holiday with his family, no questions asked. This past Christmas, he made me feel guilty about not spending Christmas Eve with his family, even though he knew how important Christmas and Easter are to my family.

      The night that we broke up, he tells me that he feels like I “hate his mom and am jealous of his sister.” Now, almost two months out, I’m finally starting to realize how he made me feel for years, and that was inferior. For him to say to me that I was jealous of his sister is not fair, and it was never a reflection on her. I got along perfectly well with his sister, mom, and his entire family. I was an aunt to his his two nephews. I never had any real issues with his family aside from his mother being somewhat overbearing. I had an issue with how he treated me in comparison to his family, ie his mother and sister. I was always second string to them, and I know that we were not engaged, but three and half years with the same person, I am now realizing that it was not healthy to feel this way. Any decision made (especially as we got closer to breaking up), the more he leaned on his younger sister and relied more heavily on her thoughts and opinions than mine. He was ask me for my opinion on things and then disregard them right in front of me and go to her instead.

      Is it fair to say that this would have gotten worse and worse as time went on? Some days are really hard because I do miss him, but everyone keeps telling me that this is a blessing because this would have never gotten any better. In fact, it would have gotten worse, especially if we got married. Just wish my heart would believe this as well.

      1. Hi NYGirl

        My gosh I can only imagine. I’m happy that you ended things, even though it hurts because you were with him for three years. It definitely sounded like you were unhappy and yes, it would have gotten worse so good thing you guys didn’t marry. You’re better off without that kind of situation. He needs to sort himself out or he will never be able to have a great relationship. But that’s on him. You made the right decision to take yourself away from that and it may hurt right now, but it won’t hurt forever. You’ll find someone better that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Like number one. Hang in there girl. Please don’t consider getting back with your ex.

  9. My fiancé does anything his mom wants. I feel broken. We are great when she isn’t around. She snickers and makes rude remarks to me. He says that’s her ignore it. He always puts me last after her and his sisters. They can do anything say anything. I mean nothing. He is great to me when they aren’t around. But every Hoilday it is all about them. If I am sick they make up reasons to take him away and a few times he left my side. I have been abused in the last and he is great to me other then this. I am so depressed. I can see he is torn between what they want and what I want. Even what he wants don’t matter they have fits and play games to make him feel bad if he don’t jump. I think I should leave. It is breaking me inside. I spent most my past being beaten by men to met a man who treats me so well yet as soon as they are around I am nothing but second class if that. All members of his family are more then me. If they ask him to jump he asks how high. I know he loves me and loves them. I don’t feel it’s fair they pull at him mad play games. They expect him to be the family fixer for them. From big issues to tiny ones. And I can be sick in a wheel chair and they tell him to leave me they need him to drive them on a trip and be gone for weeks while I am to sit at home and can’t even check the mail. He didn’t go but they kept making him feel like diet and I see him torn. I feel it’s not fair they play games with his head. I feel I am a burden and in the way. I am not his family. They make it clear I am nothing but a pet type. They make out my health problems are nothing and a common cold from them is a major problem. They laugh at me when I question things say I am selfish or all about me. Isn’t he to have his own life and be his own man? I have come to think he wants them more then me and I should just leave. I know he be broken as me for awhile but he get over it. He seems to care more about them being mad at him then me being heart broken as they pull him away even on our day. They expect him to take time off work or leave jobs to go see them to do house work or baby sit. Like he is have no life but then. And I am just a pot hole that needs patched. I have been in such pain watching them play with his head. I think I should just leave it would break us both. But then he get over it and be okay and back to being their slave and my heart will heel. I just never had a man who didn’t beat me and told me he loved me and made me so happy well when they stay away. My family don’t run my life. They don’t demand me to be a slave or run to them or taxi them all over the states. I know he wants to please them and try to be with me but it hurts him and me. I am so sad. I feel so alone. All my life I thought I never have a great love or someone so kind as he is, then I met them. And they rule his life.

    1. I wish it was that easy to walk away from a man i invested so much in.. Up until now, i thought i was crazy? how can one be jealous of your man’s mom.. well, i am. because she’s first in everything.
      I was there when she treated him like dirt. i got him out of that house and pushed him to work on himself. and now that he has a better job, better pay, staying on his own, he and his mom has the best relationship.
      stupid example of many other i can give, is one night he took me out for dinner. the whole time we were there, he were texting his mom. he than later got upset with me because he could see i wasn’t enjoying myself. the next two days i was working (7am-7pm) and he slept over at his mom’s place. for two days. and while in her company. he wont text me.
      how the f*ck do one approach this? because you will come off sounding crazy.. or selfish.

  10. Right now I’m going through this and at this point idk what to do or who to turn to… I know we are not married but I love this man to death we been together for 3 years and be for that we were the best friends, nothing nor anybody could come between us… but now just because we have a few small arguments his mom wants to get in the middle of things she wants to tell him that he has to choose either her or me… she tells him that she can’t be with me and live under her roof to the point that she made it a rule… so now I’m here waiting and waiting this been going on for a while now and still continue to happen… He knows that I have his back he knows I’m here for him and I only want what’s best but instead of holding on to that he yell at me and treats me like I’m his enemy like if I’m doing something wrong all the time… I can’t say anything about it because he yells at me, I can’t even mention the fact that this is wrong because the I’m wrong and most importantly I can’t even say that his mom is treating him like a little boy because he gives me the whole speech about how he’s not a little boy that he just respects his mom and no one will ever come in between that. .. I tell him how bad this hurts me but his mindset is on “I’m the one that has to choose” but damn if he loves me so much as he claim then how can he even think about it… you would think that it’s me he would choose… I kill myself fighting to be with him and it seems like he can care less if I’m here or if I go, I mean that’s what I see but when I try to bring it up he tries to tell me different yet everything always leads to him leaving me and me crying… I know the signs are all there that he doesn’t love me but I don’t want to lose him and I never thought this would happen to me, I never thought I would ever love someone so much and see how he can’t ever put me first… we lived with each other for a while and then because of a small argument he moved with his mom… With in that time my friend pasted away and he was no where although he said he was… I made the mistake of going out on a date honestly it was to get his attention for him to fight for what is his… I didn’t do anything and that I put on everything but my plan didn’t work and it’s about to be a year now and I’m still paying for what I did… and he says that we are trying to work things out but between “what I did” and his mom making him choose me or her my life has become hell… even his job comes before me he says I’m first but no, it’s come to the point where not even my tears matter to him anymore… I’m dealing with a lot and this is beyond me… I called his mom to try to fix all this to see how she Can find a way so that he didn’t have to choose and he went off on me tell me that I made things worst for him that now he’s going to hear it even worst… This is coming from a man loves me that once was my best friend… idk what to do, I mean I know I should leave but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with… I can’t even talk to anybody because he gets mad and say I’m talking bad about him and people are going to think bad of him… I just don’t understand 😦 this is hard for me and at this point I miss my best friend and I know I lost him

  11. We were supposed to get married end of this month but I called off the marriage. His mother has the final say in everything. Even in matters that we have already discussed and agreed on. He discusses matters concerning us with her rather than with me. It’s painful for me to end this but for the benefit of the marriage, I guessed I’d rather feel the pain now than during my marriage, which is a lifetime promise. Well, I’m still healing and I hope I’ll heal soon.

    1. I had to call off my marriage too for the exact same reason. Guy was telling everything we talked about to his mom n sister and they had control over everything. But anything that gets discussed in their house would never come to me. Whatever we agreed to do after marriage suddenly changed few days b4 we were going to finalize things for our marriage. He clearly told me that if I want to marry him, then I will have to agree to whatever they say (he n his family). He even started abusing me n my parents and would fight for hours everyday.

  12. my boyfrand also put his family first if i make a mistake he will go running 2 momy teling her how bad iam even if wr are planing to buy clothed for our child he woud go to mumy first and ask what must he do about clothes everything we do we must first hear the decision from his mom evev if he buy or give me money he tells her how much he bought that thing snd he will tel her how mich money he had given me pls i nerd advice

  13. I REALLY liked this post A LOT. The only reason I was reading it is because I’m currently stuck in a situation where I feel like his family/siblings/mother’s happiness is always going to come before mine. For example- his family came down from Michigan, I wanted to see his siblings just as much as he did but when the opportunity came for ME to go over there his mother said “no, I don’t want her here, around me or your siblings.” I don’t do ANYTHING bad at all to his family, we’ve just started living together and I think it’s that she can’t get over the fact that he’s growing up, but anyway, he left me here at home while he went off for the week with his family. Another example- at the last minute his mother calls and demands that he come up to Michigan to watch 2 of his sisters get baptized, he doesn’t give it a second thought and once again I’ll be left here without him. I used to be able to get along with his family but ever since we started talking “future” and “marriage” he’s putting his family before me every step of the way. His family has a history of mistreating him, I’ll leave out the details but whenever I feel like he’s choosing them over me again I’ll say “after EVERYTHING they’ve done to you you’d still jump off a cliff if they said so, but after everything GOOD I’ve done for you you won’t even get up and do the dishes if I kindly ask you a thousand times to do them.” and if I’m upset enough, I’ll even tell him to get his priorities straight. Is this wrong of me? I mean seriously, in the back of my mind I think “the way he treats you, you should leave him- he has no respect for you and takes your love for granted- leave him” but I won’t, and I can’t, because of how much I care about him..

  14. My friend just sent me this and it is so true.

    When you look at the Bible as a whole, you will find that the order of priority is this, your other counter part comes before your family, how is a man going to start his own family. When he basically being a mommas boy and not taking care or developing his own home.

    1. God -God comes first before all else. We cannot be whole human beings without Him.

    2. Spouse -Your spouse comes second only to God, as you are one flesh and each half of the whole. However, neither can be whole without God.

    3. Children -Your children come third. They are a big part of your family, and are the fruit of your marriage. Nothing else comes before your children, except your spouse and God.

    4. Everything else -Everything else, including school and your job take a back seat to your family and God.

  15. Soooo soooo true….. a man that’s too caught up with his family that don’t do anything for him should just be in a relationship with them.. they come first any how… forgot about you (that man) being happy as long as his mother and siblings are happy and have someone in there lives and can have you (that man) at their Beck and call….men is that women that’s your back bone and your soulmate not your momma or your family.. sorry you cant @&#* your family… women leave his @$$ if he can’t put you first

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